#6 active listening skills how to#

The speaker may even prefer this moment of reflection too. While we may think the speaker is expecting an instant reply, it’s usually better to pause first so we can offer a more thoughtful response. We tend to fear silence and avoid it at all costs. So, unless you’re jumping in to ask a question or you need clarification on something, let them finish speaking before you respond. But interrupting can totally f*ck with the speaker’s train of thought or give the impression that you think your story is better. Sometimes it’s too damn tempting to jump in if we relate to or agree with what the speaker is sharing. Sure, we learned interrupting is rude when we were just kindergarteners but honestly, we could always use the reminder. look around the room, check your watch or phone, i.e., act boredĪs mid-90’s Gwen Stefani would suggest, don’t speak.sit in an uptight, stiff position with your shoulders turned away from the speaker.This body language gives off a vibe that you’re on the same page and makes the speaker feel like you’re paying close attention. It also helps to “mirror” the speaker - smile if they’re smiling, shake your head if they’re shaking theirs, etc. Mendoza suggests having an open body posture, one that communicates that you’re ready to receive information.

For example, if they say they’re doing just fine but they’re slumped, frowning, or clenching their fists, it’s safe to say there’s more going on here.Īs the listener, you gotta check your own body language too. Mendoza says active listening involves observing the speaker’s body language and seeing if it matches what they’re saying. Read body languageīody language may be the quickest, most accurate vibe check there is. It’s best to ditch the distractions (read: put down the phone) so you can better tune in to what’s being shared with you. This can give off a vibe that what the speaker is saying isn’t very important to you. Cut out distractionsĮven for the best multitaskers, little activities during conversations - things like swiping through your Tinder matches or choosing the right caption for your selfie - can encourage distracted listening. Here are some ways to actively communicate value in others’ thoughts while listening. If one acts as a ‘knower,’ they’ll miss an opportunity to experience another’s perspective.” “We are all ‘learners’ - learning opportunities are everywhere. Mendoza says when active listening isn’t present, we’re basically communicating a lack of value in others’ thoughts. “You can gain a lot from listening to other’s perspectives.” Mendoza says active listening is not only affirming, but also builds a bridge of respect and rapport. She loves this quote by author Stephen Covey: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”

#6 active listening skills how to#

To learn how to be better listeners, we chatted with Yvette Mendoza, a licensed professional counselor in Akron, Ohio.

In fact, it’s actually important for the speaker as well as the listener that we give it our best shot. So, there’s no shame in wanting to boost your listening game. As our phones are blowing up with texts, emails, and doomsday news updates, it can be hard to focus on the humans in front of us.

Active listening is a super crucial communication skill, but that doesn’t mean it comes easily.